One thought away...

Maybe a new thought is all that lies between you and what you desire...

A few days ago, I was having breakfast with a friend, who  was going through a challenging transition at work. His previous role and team had been dissolved recently and it was taking a while for him to get a new role in the organization. There was uncertainty and apprehension in the minds of many people who were affected by this change and he too was affected by all of this. We agreed that I would coach him over breakfast, to help him think through his challenges and get clarity on what to do next. 

My friend's energy was noticeably low at the start of the session. His voice was lower than usual, his shoulders dropped, his back was hunched and his eyes were downcast. We started by exploring what he had already thought of or tried. It turned out that the dissolution of the previously role had actually given him the opportunity to think of what else he could do in the organization. He'd come up with an idea that he liked and was looking for a chance to communicate it to the CEO. However, he wasn't sure of how well he could communicate the idea and get the kind of buy in an support he needed to execute it. When I asked him what the idea was, he explained it to me in the same lack-lustre style, with no visible change in his state. 

Going with a hunch, I asked him to step away from the idea for a little while to do an exercise. I asked him to imagine his ideal future state and describe three aspects of it to me: How would he like to "be" as a person? What would need to "know" in order to get there? What would he be "doing", which would tell him that all was going as it should? When he completed the exercise, there were several points he had to share, but I won't go into the details here. What I will share is that in he put the word "happy" in his desired future state. 

That caught my fancy and I asked him to tell me more about that. It turned out that he felt he would be happy if he could become a better communicator, enroll a bunch of his peers to his idea, sell the idea to a CEO, win a team etc. So quite clearly, his happiness was linked to achieving all of this. 

Fair enough. My next question to him was "What would happen if you started by being happy?"

And then there was silence... followed by a puzzled expression and a "What do you mean?"

I repeated exactly the same question, with exactly the same response and so elaborated the question a little more by drawing a little diagram on a paper napkin. One circle for the "current state" and another for the desired (future) state, with an arrow connecting the first to the second. Under "current state" I put the word "happy" and put a question mark under "desired state". I further explained that I was curious to know what would happen if he began by being happy today, rather than expecting to be happy when all of thse great things happened in the future. 

As the question sank in, a curious change came over him. His eyes brightened, he started smiling, his voice grew stronger and his back and shoulders slowly straightened. He answered my question saying that being happy now would change the way he'd approach all  the tasks ahead of him i.e communicating, enrolling stakeholders, convincing peers etc. As we explored his ideas further, what emerged is the understanding that expecting a whole bunch of people to do a whole bunch of things that would eventually make him happy wasn't a healthy state of mind to be in. Not only did it set him up for anxiety, it also put a lot of pressure on these people to live up to his expectations. Being in this state would impact the way in which he would communicate with them - he would be looking for their buy-in and approval, more than he would be focusing on the great idea he had to share with them. As a result, the impact of his big idea would be diluted. 

So what could he be happy about now? He could be happy about BEING who he is and the fact that he has a great idea. He could choose to energise himself by working on his idea, thinking it throughm detailing it and bouncing it off some people who could further add to it. He could be excited about the opportunity to take this idea to people and the opportunity of getting them to co-create the future with him. He could shift from wanting to convince people, and expecting them to conform to inspiring them to think along with him and share his dream.

The key shift was choosing the thought "I am happy now and I will start from here." rather than the thought "I must start doing blah blah blah, which when successful, will finally make me happy". Starting from a state of happiness made him understand that he is already the person who can do something significant and achieve his desired outcomes. Sure, he'd need some support from others, but being happy in the here and now would completely change the impact he would have when connecting them them. He'd be energized, in control and inspiring, rather than hesitant, expectant and uncertain. 

As the thought sank further in, he actually began to laugh, as did I. I can tell you that he is now approaching his tasks with a completely fresh perspective, putting in place an entirely new way of approaching the future. And I know he will get what he wants... and then some more! 

One thought is all it took.

What about you? Will you choose to be happy now?

Enjoy the sunrise!

You want to be energised?

A few days ago, I was sitting with my CHRO, discussing an upcoming white paper on HR practices in M&A scenarios. As we discussed the kind of insights we would include in the paper, we dwelt on several lessons that the past had to teach us, some of them unpleasant, even regrettable - but many more of them stories that inspire and invigorate us just by the mere act of recalling and retelling them. 

I made a simple observation - that more than tales of woe, there were so many stories about things that had been done very well, things that we'd done right, which we could now record for the future. And immediately her face lit up, she nodded enthusiastically and said "You know what I tell my leaders? I say to them, 'You want to be energised? Pay attention to the positives in your life and in your work. It will give you enough and more energy to fix the negatives and surge ahead!' Otherwise, there is never a shortage of things you can dwell on that will drain the energy out of you."

I think that statement had, for me, unlocked the secret to her seemingly boundless energy - something I had often struggled to comprehend, given that she heads HR for an exceedingly complex organization, with a highly challenging business context and an aggressive transformation agenda. In such situations, things can and do go wrong on a daily basis. People can get on-edge, exasperated, exhausted as they push themselves to achieve what the organization needs. In such contexts, when you see an energized, enthusiastic and enabling leader, you have to wonder - "How does s/he do it?"

Well, this is how it's done. Even as you deal with the multitude of challenges, meltdowns and setbacks, you choose an alternative thought. You choose to remain aware of the success stories and draw inspiration from them. You choose to believe that in the face of all odds, you can recreate successes because you have the strengths and resources that made them possible. I believe that in such a state, the brain can focus on what David Rock, CEO of the Neuroleaderhsip Institute, calls the "Towards State" - which is the starting point of a journey towards positive change. 

For instance, I could very easily be daunted by the task of preparing a white paper on an HR topic that I have never dealt with in the past. In this state I could think of all the things that could possibly go wrong - e.g. Not knowing where to begin, going completely off track, making a fool of myself when I speak to people on this topic, blah blah blah! However, if in the middle of the misgivings, I take a moment to choose a different thought - that I have faced and won in similar challenges with different stakeholders in my previous roles, on topics which I had to learn from scratch - I start shifting to a different state of awareness. I become aware of strengths which enabled me to do something similar in the past and I acknowledge those strengths for the help they will give me in the present and future as well. 

Centuries ago, the saint Kabir composed this couplet:

Dukh mein sumiran sab kare, sukh mein kare na koi,

Jo sukh mein sumiran kare, to dukh kaahe ko hoi?

In sadness, everyone thinks of the Divine (praying for succor) but in happiness, nobody does.

If you can remember the Divine even when you are happy, what cause will you ever have to be sad?

Kabir's couplet comes to mind as I think of what my CHRO said. In the act of acknowledging the positives, being inspired by them and being grateful for their occurrence, we derive a precious source of energy and sustenance that helps us to persevere through our challenges and emerge from them, stronger, wiser and even more charged than before.

This approach isn't that of escapism, where we blot out the negatives and focus desperately on real or imagined positives. It is instead the approach of awareness, where one consciously balances inevitable awareness of the difficulties with an (easy-to-lose-track-of) awareness of strengths and successes. 

And that, my friends, is one of the many secrets to being an energised leader...

Enjoy the Sunrise!